Too Fat to Fish is a collection of memoirs by American comedian, radio personality and actor Artie Lange. Published by Spiegel & Grau on November 11, , Author: Artie Lange; Anthony Bozza. Wild, shocking, and drop-dead hilarious, Too Fat to Fish is Artie Lange giving everything he's got to give. And like a true pro, the man never disappoints. Too Fat to Fish Paperback – June 2, Outrageous, raw, and painfully funny true stories straight from the life of the actor, comedian, and much-loved cast member of The Howard Stern Show—with a foreword by Howard Stern. Artie Lange is a comedian, actor, and cast member of.
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That is how I felt, and how intensely I felt it back then at nine years old. Sure it was juvenile and the kind of reasoning that only a kid can have but please believe me when I assure you that nothing at all has changed.
Inmy father was 34 years old. Artie lange too fat to fish climbed roofs and installed antennas all day to pay the mortgage and support his wife and two kids and he had to work long hard hours to do it, but artie lange too fat to fish of whatever stress was going on for him, he was always capable of acting enough like a kid when he was with me that that I never knew about it.
He always ready to play no matter how tired he was and he was always planning something special - but his scheme that October took the cake.
After the Yankees beat everyone and got into the World Series that year, my father told me that he had a surprise for me. This was right around my birthday, October 11th, so I figured it could have been anything - a new glove, a new bat - but it was much, much better than that.
That day, my father walked up to artie lange too fat to fish and pulled the impossible out of his back pocket - tickets to the Series; the Holy Grail for any boy about to turn ten in the Tri-State area.
Too Fat to Fish
He had two tickets to every Yankee home game in the World Series that year. My Dad was so far from a high roller his entire life - there was no way he'd won these tickets in a card game or scalped them from some exclusive ticket broker.
In the middle artie lange too fat to fish the year, he had sent away in the mail for them just in case the Yankees' made it to the Series again. The seats were sky high, literally hovering above the South Bronx.
But even if we saw nothing, that meant nothing: I remember that my dad came home from work early every night that we had tickets for the games and he and I got ready together. I was unbelievably excited.
We lived in Union, New Jersey, which is a basic working class suburb a few miles west of Newark. Without traffic, we could make it to Yankee Stadium in about half an hour.
Too Fat to Fish - Wikipedia
With traffic, it might take two days. My father hated public transportation so he insisted on driving into the stadium - for an 8 PM start, we artie lange too fat to fish to leave at 6 PM - because we weren't going to miss anything.
My father hated the thought of ever taking a bus or a train to get anywhere probably as a result of the fact that he was what some people call "Nigger Rich. Please keep in mind that I do not make this shit up. Whatever you want to call it, the message was clear - my father was the kind of guy who never saved a dime.
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He behaved like a rapper who'd just gotten signed: Where my father was from, having the newest Caddy was a huge status symbol. So naturally, he liked to drive his car wherever he may have been going.
On October 18,his Caddy du jour was a '76 Coupe de Artie lange too fat to fish and as young as I was, even I knew how he worshipped that car.
In the late 70's, on top of all the other crazy shit that was going on out in New York City, New York City itself was broke.
Entire neighborhoods seemed like abandoned war zones.
And the part of town that was the shining example of this problem, the one hit the worst of all, was the South Bronx. The blocks around the stadium were nothing but crumbling brick apartment houses with no residents.
Artie Lange Tells All In 'Too Fat To Fish'
There were vacant lots full of cinder blocks and rubble everywhere. The area was full of drugs and drugs addicts and it seemed like heroin was slowly killing the whole town.
But right in the middle of artie lange too fat to fish pile of shit was the most famous address in the world of sports: All of this native scenery made it a very difficult job to park the Coup de Ville - no spot ever seemed to be safe enough or big enough.
But there was no question about doing it any other way because my Dad thought parking garages were a huge rip off.